I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
