it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
