Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
