1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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