I hope mine doesn't look like that
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am one with the molecules
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
