You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
