Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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