I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
