i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
