he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
