so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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