yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
