Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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