I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
