let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have aggressive nipples.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
