Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
