she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
