I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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