and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
