Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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