Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
be right there i have to get my cape
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
