He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
