Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
