Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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