My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So much Jack, so little girl.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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