How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
