it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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