this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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