Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
