What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
