And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
