they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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