How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
