Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
