yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
