Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
