dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
