i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
