Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
