I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
