I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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