when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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