I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
