oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
