Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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