Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
