she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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