the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
