Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
