are you so shy because you have an std?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
