we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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