I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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