Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
