We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
