there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
