there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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