i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
