May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
