Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
