Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
