Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
