my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize