I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
