just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
