She is in my trunk
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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