I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
