mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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