I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
