Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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